Devon's Blog

Carlee Barnes

2011-09-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

i still miss my friend...like a lot. today marks 3 years since she passed and the pain i feel is still raw. as raw as it was then. i remember at her funeral the priest likened grieving to carrying around a treasure box full of their presence and memories and right now the treasure box is very cumbersome and hard to carry around, but over time it will become a little easier and then easier - but you will always carry their treasure box with you. i relate to that. my treasure box filled with devon has become a lot more portable, but no less present.

i think of her still EVERY time i see Big Lots (and thats a lot where i live) and every time i go to Trader Joe's - Devon was not so very gifted in the kitchen and everything she cooked was from Trader Joe's - like their pizza bread was her fave and she always heated up some frozen appetizer like every time you came over. she knew like a hundred recipes you could do with only 4 T.J. ingredients...it was amazing.

i also think of her whenever i go to a girls night and just think of how she would not miss this! she lived for parties...especially ones with a theme. she liked themes. i think of her when i see my keys and that keychain she made me of bryson when he was 3 months old is still on there...5 1/2 years later! little thoughts from that treasure box float around my brain and as much as they make me sad and realize the little hole she left in my heart, they also comfort me because if i can't have her around, then i must have her memories with me always.

i miss you friend. you left us all way too soon, but hope you are having a big ole themed party up there in heaven right now - i am giggling now because i am picturing you boss all the angels around and tell them where to put the chairs...hahaha...you tell em girl!

Karla Frizler

2010-01-27T21:00:00.000-08:00

Devon, I know Thursday, January 28th would've been your 30th birthday. It breaks my heart to think that you left this world at such a young age. But I want to thank you for being such an important part of my life. I am a better person for having known you. Sending much love and aloha out to the cosmos ... and hoping you are at peace.

Diana

2009-12-06T09:15:00.000-08:00

Thank you all very much for remembering my daughter. I miss her every single day. I tell my little students lots of stories about her and that helps me keep her ever so much with me. We have very different traditions now for the holidays. Thanksgiving we ate at a restaurant. My wonderful husband, Alan, and I are going away again this year for the Dec. holidays-this time to Cancun and Belize. Poppy is going to be with my brothers, Rick and Dave, in Denver. Missing my mom and Devon is a part of the "new normal" I guess. Sometimes I feel them both with me, encouraging me to be strong and get on with my life. Devon would want all of us to enjoy life to the fullest and treat each other as we would want to be treated. That was her philosophy of life. She expected people to be good to her and they usually were. She loved her friends. I thank you all for being there for her through the good times and the difficult ones. You were all so wonderful when the times got rough. She was so lucky to have such devoted friends.

Hope the holidays are great and you find peace, hope and love.

Carlee Barnes

2009-09-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

today a marks a year since she passed. she is still in my thoughts and i still have a good cry at least once a month thinking of her. whenever i see a good sale i flinch to call her...whenever i miss her i go to her blog and read some of her first posts and crack up.

when i think over this year and think about how her life and death have influenced me i realize that it is immeasurable. i feel like i have learned a lot about friendship and the value in it and the value in the celebration of friends, like Devon liked to celebrate - any time she could - any reason she could - it was all a party...one that she couldn't wait to plan! when bryson was first born she was so supportive - she organized all our friends to get gift certificates to restaurants and take-out places and included menus and everything! it was such a help during those first months...she also babysat and helped out any way she could... i missed that with Bodie being born. i also felt a little guilty that here i was with 2 little ones experiencing something she was robbed of.

i have many funny memories of Devon and they pop up in my mind here and there and cause simultaneous waves of joy and sorrow. i miss her because she is no longer here, but without sounding too cheese...she helped change a part of me that needed changing. she helped spawn a lot of change in my life - she influenced me a lot more than she will ever know and i will always remember her for that and always thank her and always remember this day.

i included this last pic because it was such a funny night out - everyone was complaining because we couldn't get into the Sky Room - i just tried to get everyone a drink so they would stop complaining...that night my old band director from high school was playing at this place...anyway - sounds silly but ruthie and devon and i would crack up for many days to come about this night....look at my purse on the table...i still use that purse - and this is from 2006...oh dear...Devon was always trying to get the girls together for a girls night - again any reason to celebrate and any reason to plan something!

i miss my friend. i miss her laugh and her friendship and her planning and her knack for sales and menus and knowing where to go in long beach for anything! i miss her humor and her love for people and her generosity - of herself - her time, her anything you might need without ever asking anything in return. i will continue to honor her and remember her and cry for her and hope that we do meet again someday for a big girls night out!

One Year

2009-09-19T12:35:00.001-07:00

Today mark's a year. Every day the treasure box of love and memories gets smaller and easier to carry. But I will carry it for the rest of my life with pride. Today I also think of all of you who love Devon as I do and hope you are surviving the journey. I am with all of you in this day of remembering and honoring Devon.

Sarah Carrade

2009-01-03T13:18:00.000-08:00

My fellow wanderlust, Devon.

In the past few months, I have often turned to Devon's blog to remember my dear friend and it has brought me great comfort to see how she touched our lives. In each of the entries, my friendship with Devon was reflected in others' stories. She touched my life in many of the same ways that she touched others.

In Devon, I had friend who shared the same passion for travel and interest in the world. When I first met Devon in Santa Barbara, we were immediately connected by our attempt to learn Spanish (she succeeded!) and our desire to travel. Two girls from the Central Valley, ready to conquer the world! We joked that we were both racing to get European Union passports so we could "live the European life". When she told me she was engaged to Noureddin, I joked with her that she must have been sleeping in our Global Studies classes at UCSB because Morocco wasn't in the European Union! And later, when I emailed her to say I was marrying a Scotsman, her reply was "You won!!".

Over the years and despite thousands of miles in between us, we remained good friends, sharing stories or silly pieces of information. Countless times over the past few months, while adjusting to my new life in Russia, I've stopped to think "Devon would find this hilarious!"

As we begin a new year and Devon's birthday approaches, we can all remember the passion and light Devon brought to our lives. What she taught us about true friendship and living life to the fullest, is something I will never forget about my fellow wanderlust.

The Last Ride

2008-12-30T13:17:00.000-08:00

It has been three months now since we lost Devon. I have been unable to put into words anything remotely close to how I've been feeling. This weekend, however, inspired by the Red Devon Daffodils that Julie planted in her honor and are now sprouting up on my balcony, I was inspired to try to describe (with some poetic license and a few miss-sequencing of events!) my experience during Devon's last days. I've posted this on my blog and hope it speaks somewhat for you, too. Ironically, since Devon set this blog up for me and showed me how to use it, I feel guilty for not using it lately. The muse just hasn't been speaking to me. At least I've found the words to give her a little to smile about here at the end of this most horrible of years.

http://tambourineman7.blogspot.com/

We all are seeking our own way to get our arms around the meaning of Devon's loss and move on with it, ever so slowly and carefully. one of my ways is to write about it. My next effort will be to move into a "garden," again an inspiration given to me by Julie. Two days after Devon died, Julie, Jen, Cory, Asako and I went to Descanso Gardens in Pasadena. We found freh air, sunlight, ponds, fish, many beautiful flowers and plants. Jen took a picture of a poem engraved on a bronze plaque. It has been lingering in my mind ever since Julie emailed it to me. I think I can form some feelings around this.

Meanwhile, Asako and I wish you all a Good New Year. We keep talking of all the love and support you've shown for Devon this past year and a half and are permanently grateful. Can't say it enough! Asako will be working in Tokyo January 13 through the 27th. I'll be busy with classes, keeping the house dusted, playing at golf, and growing stronger in mind, body and spirit...I hope!

Love to All,

Lou

Anathea Gordon

2008-10-27T13:14:00.000-07:00

Ruthie, thank you so much for the opportunity to express our thoughts and feelings about Devon. If all the people who knew and loved Devon took the opportunity to share their feelings and memories at “the celebration of her life”, we would be there for hours-laughing and crying. I have been blessed to have known Devon since she was a baby, really. Our mothers met when her older brother Cory and I were newborn infants. My earliest memory of Devon was on a trip my family took to visit her family in Clovis. We were hanging out in their apartment, having dinner one night. She must have been pretty young, because, during the dinner preparation she asked “what’s for ‘zert’ mommy”. Chantal and I still talk about how cute that was.
The next time I remember seeing her was on a trip I took up to Santa Barbara for a visit one weekend, it was before her trip to Europe, we had a fun time hanging out at one of the local bars. It was amazing b/c we had such a great time that weekend. It was as if it had only been a week or so (versus the years it had actually been).

I can remember when I got the news about the cancer diagnosis. I was in total shock! I took a trip to Long Beach w/my mom to visit her in the hospital. I think it was the 1st day after her 1st surgery. I had spoken to her on the phone and had asked her if she liked sushi (which she had). When my mom and I entered the hospital room (she had been out of the room at the time for PT or OT) neither one of us knew what to expect. About 10 min later, she walked in (with minimal assistance) w/her walker w/a HUGE smile on her face. We asked how she was feeling, she said “pretty well”. We dined on sushi and Snapple, and painted her finger nails. It was a good visit.

I came out several times to visit her at her Long Beach place (the apt they moved into after the fire). On one occasion, (after the 2nd surgery), we walked across the street to the restaurant for lunch. I remember asking her how she was feeling-physically. She said “pretty well, my balance is off a bit, but ok”. She always had a smile on her face. In typical-strong willed Devon style-she refused any help offered, and we walked across the street for lunch. I think that was the same visit we hung out and watched “American Idol” on the DVR. She was SO excited about the show, she LOVED it. ; ) (which was fun for me to see b/c I wasn’t all that into it). No matter what she was going through (between the cancer and the apartment issues) her spirits were ALWAYS high. Several times I was able to help her out (at least she was nice enough to say I helped J) with her diagnosis. She would ask me about medication regimens or experimental treatment the doctors were looking at and the results of her frequent lab work. Only once did I ever see the effects of the cancer hit her emotionally. On one of my visits in Long Beach (as she worked on her laptop-getting herself back to work so that she could maintain a level of normalcy and her medical insurance), she spoke with her neurologist, who gave her the results of the most recent MRI. Devon cried for just a bit, and then shook it off.

The last time I saw Devon was about 1.5 months or so ago. I went out to Long Beach for one of our lunches, we went to some “Teriaki place” she said was good. The thing that NEVER ceased to amaze me was how GREAT her memory was-even after several brain surgeries. She directed us directly to the restaurant as I drove and got us back, I (half) joked that her memory was better than mine was, and I didn’t even have an excuse. We had a good time talking about our families and the stresses of life. I still can’t believe she’s gone, I’m going to miss her regular blogs and our lunches, her spirit and her smile and her enthusiasm for life and American Idol.

God Bless.

Devon: The Summit of Life

2008-10-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

It is neither the highest nor the lowest of our successes or failures that measure our life, but rather our staying the course in loving, in caring, in sharing and in giving that defines our place in the human drama. Devon did just that. She was content in finding peace within herself, knowing The Maker was well pleased.

Throughout her life, she always sought and seized opportunities to better herself and those around her. Driven by a powerful, positive spirit, deep-seeded within her, she was able to both understand and blend logic and realization in a visionary way so few can do. The enormity of her short life, the impact she had on others, her endless well of spiritual energy—all were evangelistic-like, revealing a complete commitment to both create or take on tasks, whether personal or in her chosen field of education. Devon had a gifted-way of seeing end results, the possibilities down the road, undaunted by the obstacles in her path or other events that might undermine an outcome.

Devon was The Summit of Life. She lived as The Power Beyond asks us to live—loving each other, caring, sharing and giving. She stayed the course to her journey’s end. On bended knee, bidding Devon farewell, I pray that her spirit will remain with us, now and forever.

Jeremiah Anthony Markert
Uncle

Michelle Syverson

2008-10-04T14:40:00.001-07:00

What a lovely young woman.

I came across Devon's obituary last weekend, was touched by such a young woman's tragic death and decided I would check out her blog...mostly out of curiosity. Being a fellow blogger I was interested in seeing Devon's and little did I know it would be like opening a good book.

What an incredible young woman who touched more lives than we can probably count. Through her love and passion for her friends and work she has left a behind a legacy.

As I read the numerous entries I found myself laughing and crying. I also was compelled to check her blog each day to see and view more of her incredibly short but well live life. It strikes me as odd that now I feel like she is a friend, probably because she could have easily been a friend of mine.

I find it heartwarming and sad at the same time that it can take the death of someone close to us to put our lives in perspective and look closely at what we value. Often the death of someone allows us an opportunity to dig deep inside ourselves and find what it was we really loved and valued about that person. Hopefully some of us now will take the time to tell those in our lives who are living how we truly feel...instead of waiting until they are gone.

With all this said I just want to pass along my sincere condolences to all who new this young lady and to thank those who are keeping her blog alive as a tribute to her. She was blessed to have so many loving people in her life.

May God Bless You!

Karla Frizler Octavio's Eulogy

2008-10-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

I’ll Never Forget You, Devon
By Karla Frizler Octavio

I am one of Devon’s colleagues and good friends. We taught together at Torrance Adult School, and I have been the liaison between Devon’s family and friends and the school throughout her illness. Something I’ve heard many times from Devon’s loved ones is how much they appreciate the love and support of Devon’s co-workers and students. I would just like to say on behalf of everyone at Torrance Adult School and TIMAC, it has been our pleasure to do anything in our power to help Devon and her family through this difficult time. And that love and support doesn’t end here. We are always here for you, whatever you need.

I remember the first time I met Devon. We had both just started working at Torrance, and she subbed for my Instructional Assistant. With very little guidance, she stepped into the classroom and immediately began helping students. She was warm and intelligent and creative. The students (and I) responded to her charm immediately.

Over the years, Devon & I exchanged ideas on an almost daily basis. Even when she was unable to work, she would email me ideas for class activities, or suggest topics for our class blog. I used every single one. We had such grand plans for our students, everything from interactive whiteboards in the classroom, to a “quad” or central gathering place on campus where students could meet and practice their English outside of the classroom.

One idea we were very excited about was creating an orientation video for new students. We wanted to make sure every student felt welcomed, and got the information they needed about the ESL program and the school. When Devon returned to work in May, her main focus was the Orientation. She did a great job, and in fact it is now installed on computers throughout the ESL classrooms, computer labs and registration areas. I will work with our students to make sure the orientation is updated regularly, and of course, that it is dedicated to Devon.

One of my favorite things about the video is that Devon had her students do the translations into various languages. It was a wonderful way for the students to give back to the program, and it was a nice way to honor the students’ accomplishments with the English language.

Devon was an old soul in the body of a beautiful young woman, wise beyond her years--but there were times when she reminded me of her age. We used to watch American Idol and send text messages to each other throughout the show. One time, Hall & Oates were featured. The next day, Devon asked me, “Who were those guys?” I asked, “What year were you born?” She said “1980,” and I told her I was 13 that year, listening to my Hall & Oates albums. I made her a Hall & Oates CD, and she made me a CD of Daughtry. It was a wonderful exchange.

Though we began our relationship with me as her mentor, the tables soon turned. I realized early on that I had a lot to learn from this amazing young woman. Devon was not only my colleague, but my good friend as well. In fact, she became like a sister to me. We became especially close when she filled in for me during my maternity leave. She would make a personal visit to my home to ask me any questions she had, which was so thoughtful. When I returned to work, she had made a collage of family pictures for me to keep in my office, because she knew I would miss my baby.

I was able to really focus on and enjoy my daughter because I knew Devon was taking care of business. And I tried my best to return that favor over the last year and a half. I wanted to make sure Devon could focus on getting healthy and spending time with her family, not worrying about work.

Just before her first surgery, Devon asked me to come to the hospital and see her. Knowing her work ethic, I asked if there were anything she needed me to take care of at work. She told me to get out a pen and piece of paper. I covered both sides with feverish notes about projects I didn’t even realize she was involved in.

I also tried to help Devon outside of work. In early September, my husband and I were thrilled that Devon and Noureddin could use our timeshare in Newport Coast. It was an opportunity for them to have a vacation, to just be together … in the sun … with good friends. We’re so glad they had that special time.

The most important thing I learned from Devon is to look at opportunities, and not obstacles. To see possibilities, not potential problems. This is not my nature, but it was certainly Devon’s nature … to always see the positive and the good. I will do my best to live up to her example, and to pass along that positive spirit to my students and especially my daughter. I will never let them forget our precious Devon.

When Devon’s mom met my daughter for the first time, she said, “Mia is just like Devon!” My heart filled with pride. If Mia turns out to be half the woman Devon was, she will have an incredible life and make a tremendous impact on people, just like her “Auntie Devon.”

I feel so blessed, so grateful, to have spent some time with Devon just before she passed. It was a beautiful gift. We laughed a lot and talked about silly things like Jell-O, having no idea it would be our last conversation.

Devon, I love and miss you very much. I will never forget you …

Portia La Ferla's Eulogy

2008-10-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

My name is Portia and I was Devon’s supervisor I want to tell you about Devon at work, a place where she was loved, admired, appreciated, indulged, and adored.

When Devon first came to the Torrance Adult School, she was a volunteer in the GAC media center. One of our teachers, Michael told me about her and said she’d be a good candidate for our staff. She didn’t yet have a teaching credential, so we signed her up as an instructional assistant. Mike and Karla kept saying that we really, really needed to hire her and how much the students loved her. So we did, and she did such a great job with the students that, as soon as she was credentialed, we hired her as a teacher. And then we just kept giving her everything she asked for. We didn’t even know how much that was until she went on medical leave and it took 3 people to do her job…inadequately, I might add. We were floored when we figured out how much she was doing and what information she had kept in her head!

Well, you all knew Devon. Anything she did, she did fabulously and, it would seem to us mortals, without effort. She took over the media center class and owned it. The students praised her to me on many occasions and remained in touch and supported her throughout her illness. Our ESL program was on the verge of change beginning with our hiring Karla to help us with instructional technology integration. Devon was all over that! She began helping with tech support. She took over Karla’s job when she went out on maternity leave. Richard Rose, her principal, and I nominated her to the CDE’s Technology Integration Mentor Academy where she learned to train others how to use technology to enhance ESL learning. No big deal? It is to us old teachers who had TVs without remote controls as our starting point.

As the ESL Resource Teacher, it is my job to keep the program moving forward. With Karla and Devon, I could not stop it from doing so. Those two would sashay into my office or set up a meeting with Richard and me and what could we do? Whatever they wanted! Our sole purpose seemed to be getting them whatever they needed to do whatever they had cooked up and ambushed us with. We laughed about how we always felt like our pockets had got picked or like we had once again lost the 3 card Monte they had swindled us in to playing. But it was so fun and exciting! That was Devon! She took everyone along on her wild ride. She would come bounding into my office many afternoons and I would drop everything for Ms. Divine. I had to in order to make sure she didn’t get away with the whole store before she left. Richard and I really had a hard time keeping up.

Those were the most wonderful times of my 10 years in this position. I’ve always enjoyed my job, but I LOVED my job those days. We had everything and everyone we needed to make our already solid program an educational jewel. Devon was making a name for herself throughout the state and I had no illusions that she would be with us forever. I thought she would end up in Sacramento before long. But I never expected to lose her this way. We have lost 6 teachers in the last 10 years, all of these losses hurt and were hard to accept, but Devon was our favorite niece. She stepped into our little home away from home and made herself one of the family helping to arrange celebrations and getting greeting cards for all occasions. She was disarming, managing to get whatever she set her mind to with humor, kindness, and firmness and was never resented. And OK, Karla and I used her. If we needed to get something done that the teachers might object to, we got Devon to do it. And once she was diagnosed with cancer, she gave us full permission to use that to our advantage, too. The ESL teachers showed how much they loved and cared about Devon by contributing enough of their own sick leave hours to keep Devon in paid status with benefits for over a year!

Speaking of getting her way…Devon wanted and desperately needed to return to work. She missed the mental stimulation that work provided for her more than she missed a paycheck. But you can’t work in Torrance if you have medical restrictions. I had to tell her that and it broke my heart. I knew her doctors would never give her a return without restrictions. Well, I underestimated Devon. Saturday, May 17th I got an email from her that said, “I can’t wait to share this with you. See attachment.” It was a return to work form without restrictions! I told her I did not even want to hear how she got it, but she replied, “Persistence, that’s all. See you Monday!” That’s all?! That’s ALL! I still don’t know how she did it.

For me it was the chance I never thought I would get, to work with her again, to see her every day, to experience her brilliance at work, and to have a chance to try to make life just a little easier for her. I was able to savor the moments with her as if I had been given a “do over.” We don’t get a lot of “do overs” in life but Devon gave me one I had never dared hope for. Devon’s return to my daily life reminded met that we must savor each day. Every time Devon climbed “Mount Everest” (what she called the ramp to my door) to come see me, competing emotions of joy at having her with us and regret at knowing our time together would soon end overwhelmed me. One of our coworkers who knows something about loss wrote to us this morning the most comforting words. She wrote, “A long time ago I learned that the value of a human life isn't measured in years, but rather by the amount of love given and received.”

I am so grateful for the privilege of having had such a remarkable young person as a friend and coworker and for the legacy that she left our ESL program.

One last thing: I would like to thank my dear friend, Lucia Gallante Johnson, for providing Devon with Reiki treatments that helped lift Devon in mind, body, and soul, and for the love and care she gave to my friend. Lucia’s healing art meant so much to Devon and I will forever be grateful to her.

A Father's Tribute

2008-09-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

We often think that if a child turns out well, the parents must have done a good job. I think the opposite is true, too: a good child can make any parent look good! Sometimes I think this was the case with Devon. She had a quality about her—subtle, like a little breeze—that made everyone around her feel good and be better. Her infectious smile and joyful spirit left an indelible mark on all of us. As a daughter, she could make a good father out of a most ordinary man.

When Devon was two we took her to Flintstones Park in the Black Hills of South Dakota. She loved all the characters—Fred, Wilma, Bamm Bamm, Dino, Hoppy and the Great Gazoo—but her favorite was Pebbles. She ran up to Pebbles and gave her a big hug. She and Pebbles looked like twins, so from that day on I called her Pebbles. That was a happy moment, one of thousands I’ve had with her. For the rest of her life I’d call her Pebbles just for fun and she’d sign my father’s day cards or birthday cards, “Love, Devon, Your Pebbles.”

It is easy to idealize Devon. From her earliest days in social activities—whether it was hugging a Flintstone, playing with her friends or being part of more formal organizations, like soccer teams, Indian Maidens, ballet class, or a Munchkin in the Wizard of Oz—she could read the cues of people around her and respond appropriately—a hug for those who needed one, a pass to someone in the open field, sharing a bullfrog with a friend who couldn’t find one on her own. She had a finely tuned social intelligence.

Throughout her childhood Devon developed as if she were on autopilot. We only had to feed and clothe her and drive her to her activities—school, soccer, the dentist, a friend’s house—and then pick her up later when it was time. She was so independent—I should say, healthily interdependent—that she almost evolved on her own. I felt lucky to be such a participant-observer in a loving child’s life. The job seemed simple: Support Devon in doing what she wanted. Follow her: she knows where she’s going! As someone posted on her blog, Devon was “a person you couldn’t say no to!” –either because you knew she was right or you knew if you did say no, you’d regret it later! She had, as someone else wrote, “the ability to gently disarm you” without your knowing it and recruiting you into her service. Devon was an easy child to raise, if ‘raise” is the right word. She had advanced leadership skills by age 9!

I was fortunate to be Devon’s father, though at times I felt I had to live up to some pretty high standards! She literally showed me ways to be better at what I am, as a person, a father and a teacher. Three years ago, she showed me how to make PowerPoint presentations and set up my own blog! I was an old-school chalk and blackboard professor and a simple writer! I had fun with the new skills she gave me. I made nice slide presentations for my classes and wrote a lot of illustrated essays on the blog she set up for me. She was a good teacher, very patient with her forgetful and slow-learning dad, emailing me the same instructions over and over again on how to grade papers online using the Insert and Comment features.

Devon seemed born with the ability to do the right thing at the right time. She had a built-in guidance system, an awareness of the moment, of being in the moment, and of knowing whom she was with. While she was accepting of life, she was driven as an artist is driven to shape the stuff of life into the image of her ideals. She was unstoppable in the pursuit of her goals. When The Lion King came out on DVD in 1994, she persuaded me to buy it and watch it with her. It was about a father lion, Mufasa, and his son, Simba, and how the son had to overcome conflict within himself to rise up and take his rightful place in the pride, in “the circle of life.” She knew I’d like it because of my work conducting fatherhood workshops. She knew I’d connect with the story’s theme, voiced by Simba’s slain father in deep tones coming down from a darkened sky: “Simba, look inside yourself. You have forgotten who you are. Look deep. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life.” Devon was 14 at the time and I was going through some personal struggles. Following her instincts, she led me to look inside myself through this animated drama and be more than what I had become. That afternoon I wrote an essay about fatherhood which was later published in the Fresno Bee. We all have emotionally significant events in our life, personal turning points, small bursts of insight—or, in this case, a quantum leap of understanding! Being nudged by Devon, driving with her to the store, buying this DVD, watching it with her at home, and then writing an essay that integrated for me my place in the “circle of life”—this was a major emotionally significant event. I imagine for Devon, watching and enjoying a DVD with dad, it was something deeper, too.

One of the more memorable moments I’ve had with Devon occurred the day she came home from school after having a unit in world religions. She was 16. She asked me, “Dad, What am I.”
We had never been active in any organized church or religion, so, given the context of her question, I said, “Well, you are whatever you choose to be. It’s your decision to make.” She then asked, “Well, what are you?” This was more difficult. I described my childhood identity growing up in a large, devout Irish-German Catholic family and how I had de-activated that identity during my university years and replaced it with something more philosophical and nebulous, like an existential-humanistic-phenomenological view of myself and the world. I then got concrete and told her that I was simply trying to live my life by being honest, caring, fair, hard-working and open-minded…with the emphasis on “trying.” I’m sure I lost her with the abstract mumbo jumbo talk, but she did get the basics—honesty, caring, hard-working, fair. I sometimes wonder if she learned to be these things or if they were just in her DNA! What struck me most about this discussion, though—the “teachable moment,” as we call it—is that she asked ME what she was. I thought of how much trust we place in people when we ask them to explain to us who we are. We wouldn’t ask a stranger, “Who am I?” Only someone we trust. I felt another notch of responsibility in this moment and sensed, too, that a shift had occurred in Devon’s development: She was seriously probing the depths of her spiritual identity.

Over the next 12 years, on up until her very last week, Devon continued working out her own answers to the question of who she was. Judging by her writings, the perceptions we all have of her, and the way she conducted herself on the last day of her life, it’s clear she succeeded in achieving a self-confident and well-integrated view of herself. She was authentic, genuine, exuberant and real—a measuring stick of how we might be. A mirror: In her we saw a reflection of pure principles—honesty, fairness, compassion, love of others, intelligence, organization, efficiency, confidence, competence, a great work ethic—the qualities of a beautiful and well functioning human being! How profound is her loss, how deeply we will miss her!

For Devon there were no complaints, no excuses. She believed we are as much the producers of our own destiny as we are products of our past. We are not victims, not martyrs, but determined men and women facing with vision, discipline and moral purpose every challenge life places in our way. She understood that we are interconnected with each other, whether we want to be or not. She was empathic yet maintained healthy boundaries. Her life exemplified how we continually create ourselves through our choices—in school, in friendships, in our work, in all our relations. We either do the right thing or we learn to do it. Even on the very last day of her life, she was trying to get nurses and doctors and her parents to do the right thing, directing us to rub here or there on her neck, organizing in her mind how she was going to get to work next week and use that giant desk and the table and chairs she had us gather from all around Los Angeles to get her work done.

But it was not meant to be.

“There comes a point in everybody’s life,” the novelist James Patterson wrote, “when you realize the stakes have suddenly changed. The carefree ride of your life slams into a stone wall and all those years of bouncing along, of life taking you where you want to go, abruptly end.” So it was with Devon—an abrupt and cataclysmic end to such a meaningful, vibrant life.

Maybe the most enduring lesson to be drawn from Devon’s life is about love and friendship. I experienced Devon’s love and friendship in a very special way, as everyone else did in their own special way. To me she was not just a good daughter—she had become in the end, a very special friend. The poet Gibran wrote that one effect of friendship is “the deepening of the spirit” and that when we part from a friend we needn’t grieve too long, for “that which we love in our friend may be clearer in her absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.” Today, Devon is the mountain and we are standing on the plain.

Louis F. Markert

Asako Kudo-Markert, Devon's Step-Mother

2008-09-29T12:22:00.001-07:00

I want to share my memories about Devon.

The first time I met Devon was at a soccer field. She was 16 years old. It was in the fall of 1996. I had just come from Japan to begin working on my master’s at Fresno State to become a psychotherapist. Devon immediately accepted me as her dad’s girlfriend and welcomed me. We lived together 1.5 years, mostly during her senior year in high school. She was always active and having fun with her friends. Her daily life was filled with friends and activities. She came home from school, had her friends over or went out with them, or she studied, went for running, or relaxed in her room. She was also a very good student and efficient in her studies. I remember that she didn’t want to do swimming in the PE class because the chlorine turned her hair green. When I cooked, she said, “Eeh!” to seaweed and Japanese food, but loved my blueberry cheesecake. One day Devon began screaming, “Daddy! A storm came to my room!” Then, her dad vacuumed her room. After that, I could finally see the pink carpet on the floor. I had many culture shocks, including having the big dog Morticai sleeping on devon’s bed and seeing Devon making a green or purple color cake, but it was fun. I wish I could have spoken English then like I do now so we could have more conversations.

I remember our short trips. Once Lou, me, Devon and Stephanie went horseback riding in the mountains above Huntington Lake. Another time we camped out at Yosemite. The girls hiked up Half Dome. At night a raccoon tried to steal Devon’s backpack. When she was graduating from high school, she and I went downtown in Fresno to choose a dress for her prom. Lou and I attended a special dinner for Honor Students at her high school. I am glad that I was able to be a substitute mom for her while Di was working hard in LA.

When Devon went to Santa Barbara, she totally enjoyed her life there. She was blossoming into a talented, attractive and extroverted woman. She traveled all over the world, making friends everywhere. She loved people and people loved her. She learned life skills from her friends, particularly Tonya, who became her roommate and confidante and greatest role model.

In 2002 my brother was married in Japan and my mom invited Dev to the wedding as a gift for her graduation. At that time she was in Spain finishing up her school. My family loved Devon and she enjoyed Japan. She wore a traditional kimono and looked very beautiful. She also experienced a tea ceremony at my friend’s home. This was particularly special because very few homes have a tea room. She enjoyed traditional Japanese food, but didn’t say, “Eeh!” this time. One day she took a picture of a public toilet in Tokyo. It had a button to make a flashing noise to disguise the natural sounds of our going to the bathroom. She was impressed how sensitive Japanese were to each other, even in the toilet. We shared a lot of fun and many funny moments like these during our two week vacation in Japan.

At their wedding party, Devon and Noureddin looked very happy. They developed their friendship and deepened their love in Long Beach. She became an excellent ESL teacher. One of my Japanese friends was her student and always told me how efficient and wonderful Devon was as a teacher. I knew she was capable and was very proud of her.

Devon was a wonderful step-daughter to me. I felt that I was like her step-mom/big sis/aunt/friend. I wasn’t sure who I was for her but it didn’t matter. We had a good relationship. She was definitely my family. She will be missed forever. When I saw a young girl wearing new style pants, I caught myself thinking like, “Oh, this might be good on Dev.” Then I felt very sad that I don’t have her any more. We have to keep our life without her, not just living but living fully and alive because this is also what Devon would want us to do. Devon, thank you for being my step-daughter.

I also want to say a special thanks to Devon’s co-workers, Karla, Portia and John, and all the teachers and staff at Torrance Unified School District, for all that they did during Devon’s illness. Also, a special thanks to all her and Noureddin’s friends for all you’ve done to make Devon happy during this past year and a half. Because of all of you, Devon was able survive and enjoy her life. And last, a special thanks to Tonya, Stephanie and Christian for organizing and coordinating Devon’s memorial service. Devon left her will, asking them to do so because she was concerned that Noureddin and the parents would be too grieving. She was right…again! Devon must be very grateful and proud of you guys.

Thank you so much.

Carlee Barnes

2008-09-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

My mind has been working tirelessly to try to understand and grasp Devon’s death since I saw her on Friday. I think it keeps on trying to search for a reason or a cause but it is exhaustingly inexplainable. Instead, I have tried to focus on what Devon has taught me and her legacy and keeping about an intention to retain her spark through my actions. I met Devon through Ruthie when she was living in the Alvocado. I had mentioned that I love the apartments in the complex and she invited me up right away. It was like we had known each other for years – she was so open and generous and like a child who shows a friend that comes over their room – their personal space – we became friends instantly. I thought it was amazing that her and Noureddin spoke to each other in their second language – Spanish and I thought she was amazing for her passion for English Language Learners. I was new to Long Beach and Ruthie and Devon and I were on a mission to have girl time whenever possible. We started a book club, and by book club I mean we all bought the same book – Love in the Time of Cholera – but I was the only person to actually finish it…it was an ongoing joke for a while…

I keep finding little gifts that Devon had given me and holding on to them even tighter now. she made me a keychain when my son was 3 months old. My son is almost 3 and I haven’t changed the picture and I don’t intend to – she told me what a pain it was to cut out the pictures to fit inside the flower-like design and I know she probably spent quite a bit of time on it knowing her…it was so thoughtful – for no reason she gave that to me – that was Devon. Her gift-giving abilities like Ruthie said were truly amazing. They showed her thoughtfulness and also her ingenuity – I passed by a Big Lots today and cried…she was amazing at finding the best stuff at that store and always bragged about it – always updated us on hidden sales and Costco specials. Along with her gift giving her planning was also impressive. I read some of her co-workers blog entries and laughed because when ruth and devon babysat my son once devon turned it into a power point presentation! Whenever I was having a party I called Devon and Ruth to help. They are the only people I know that drool over to do lists and planning…she always had ideas – she even knew where I should get a hula dancer for my husband’s 30th luau party. This was her list for me to do… she basically planned the whole party complete with recipes…

Hey C,
This is what I recommend:

· rent tables and chairs
· get table cloths, plates, napkins at big lots
· at costco get silverware, hawaiian rolls, alcohol, frozen meatballs, brie, veggie plate, cut up and canned pineapple, clear plastic cups, water bottles. they have lots of flowers too that would be good as center pieces.
· at trader joes get mango chutney
· at smart & final they have sweet and sour sauce and other party stuff that costco doesnt have.
appetizers
· shrimp (recipe from allrecipes)
· sweet and sour meatballs
· mango chutney brie (recipe from allrecipes)
· veggie plate
drinks
· I recommed making a large bunch of alcoholic punch, a bunch of hawaiian martinis and get the beer of people's choice
· water bottles
·
Love,
Devon

I am going to miss her so much. It goes beyond saying how unfair it is. She had an entire life ahead of her. I want to honor her through my life in little ways by her generous and thoughtful spirit – through her sense of humor and positive outlook – through her happiness and contentedness through her contagious smile and resourcefulness. I won’t be able to do it half as well as she did, but maybe through practice i can be better at it.
With much love,
Carlee

Devon's Obituaries

2008-09-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.legacy.com/DailyBreeze/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=118006918

http://www.legacy.com/FresnoBee/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=118001219

http://www.insidesocal.com/soccer/2008/09/a-life-well-lived.html

Maria

2008-09-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

Devon was my computer teacher at Griffith Adult School, and writing about her breaks my heart. She was a wonderful person who inspired and influence many people around her, and when I think of her the very first thing that comes to my mind is her smile, so I a smile too. I still remember the way she used to talk to me and I feel her supporting hand resting on my shoulder. She was so sweet that really hurts to think that she’s gone. I know she is in heaven surrounded by angels welcoming her. She’ll never be forgotten. She’ll be always in my heart.
With Great Sadness my Deepest Condolence,
Maria

More Photos

2008-09-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

Andrea Brodsly

2008-09-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

I worked with Diane in the early 90's while she was at Jefferson in Clovis. I remember her talking about her kids all the time, being involved in the kids soccer. It is hard to believe that her little girl had grown up to be a teacher just like her mom. I am so sorry to hear of Devon's passing. My thoughts will be with you.

Andrea Brodsly

Parking for Funeral on Monday

2008-09-27T14:45:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note about the memorial services on Monday. If at all possible please carpool as there is limited parking. If you have any questions please send an email to: rememberingdevonmarkert@gmail.com.

See you all on Monday.

Bill Saleebey

2008-09-27T14:41:00.000-07:00

Waiting For the Yellow Rose to Bloom

It was January 24, 1980 and I was staying with Lou and Di in their apartment the day before my final oral exam for my doctorate at UCLA. I had fallen asleep, and in the middle of the night, they came running out of their bedroom, headed to the hospital. Devon Danielle Markert was born the next day, and I remember her birth as if it were yesterday. I was always Uncle Bill to Dev and Cory. Lou is my best friend, and I have seen Devon grow from that little kid with the bright blue eyes and crooked grin to the wonderful accomplished woman that she became. She was always the sweetest, kindest and most positive person you could find.

The Markerts stayed with me in Berkeley in the early 80s, and I stayed with them in Pleasanton and visited them often in Fresno and Clovis. I remember Devon playing soccer and we watched the movie Wildcats together with Cory and my son Billy. We were family. The ultimate honor was when Devon and Noureddin asked me to perform their wedding ceremony, which I did at my home. They took many pictures in front of the yellow rose plant in my front yard. I am hoping that another yellow rose blooms so I can take it to the memorial service on Monday.

I was reading the other entries on the blog, and it reminded me that we all knew Devon in a different way, a different context. Noureddin as her husband and love of her life, her parents, step-parents, and brother Cory, as well as aunts, uncles, cousins, friends,co-workers, and of course Poppy. I always loved that Devon called me Uncle Bill. To her I was no less an uncle than her biological uncles. To me she was simply a niece. A niece I was quite proud of at that! I loved hearing Lou telling about her accomplishments at work.

The death of a young person is especially hard to understand and to take. It is deeply sad, and it hurts. But from this, as Devon would say, come lessons, strenghth and inspiration. What would Devon want? I think she would want us to stay connected to one another, especially her friends and cousins. She would want us to go on with our lives, and to remember her. We will always remember Devon Markert. She was one of a kind: wife, daughter, sister, cousin, friend, co-worker, mentor, teacher. She knew what people needed, as her friend said. She was a great hostess, if not the neatest. I remember visiting her and Noureddin in Long Beach shortly after her diagnosis. She had a big spread of cheese and crackers on the table when we arrived, even though she didn't feel well. She never complained.

We are all better for having had Devon in our lives. Her life was brief, but she made the best of it. We all have our unique memories of her, which no one can alter or take away. We also should be inspired by Devon's example to be kind, upbeat, generous, loving and to enjoy what life has to offer. I urge everyone to hang in there as she would have done and would have wanted.

I am waiting for that next yellow rose to bloom, and I will keep it forever in her memory.

I'll miss her...

Uncle Bill Saleebey

Julie Pinkston

2008-09-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

I clicked on Devon's blog last weekend---just checking, hopefully, to see if she had posted one last entry since her poignant entry "500 Miles". I couldn't believe what I saw instead: an incredible bouquet of loving tributes from her friends, colleagues, and students! It was as if the seeds of friendship Devon had sown in so many hearts had sprouted overnight from all the tears shed for her and blossomed into a beautiful garden!

As someone who likes to garden, I have observed this phenomenon after a good soaking rain and it confirms my belief that much goes on unseen that we have little control over. I remembered how after her second surgery last summer I tried to help Devon start a garden, bringing her a pot, soil and seeds for radishes, nasturtiums and sunflowers. I see now how much she already knew about planting seeds---in human hearts and minds.

Devon is just a few months younger than my older daughter, Jennifer, and they played together often as young children. She was the youngest and smallest cousin for a few years, but it was evident very early that Devon was a force to be reckoned with! The strong wills of both her grandmothers showed up in Devon! I would watch her playing in the crowd of cousins as a small child. Tiny Devon would focus her blue eyes intently on finding an opening, then launch herself into the the midst of things with fierce determination, laughing with gusto at being part of the action.

We were disappointed when Devon and her family moved away to Fresno, but when the girls were in their early teens, I took a job transfer to Fresno so my family also moved there. It isn't easy when you are a teenager needing your own space, but I never heard Devon complain about having to share her house with me and my two girls for a few months. (Maybe it helped that once in a while Aunt Julie would cook a somewhat edible meal!)

As a teen, Devon showed the same focus and determination I had seen in her as a small child, exceeding expectations in school and sports---in spite of life being often rearranged at home. Although she otherwise seemed quite independent and self-confident, the social acceptance and comaraderie of her close circle of friends was very important to her, providing a much needed balance of youthful fun and establishing connections she would rely on for years to come.

Devon graduated and left Fresno and I didn't see her much for a few years, but had news of her college success, her stay in Spain, and her marriage to Noureddin.

After I moved back "home" to So Cal in 2004, I saw Devon more frequently--at family birthdays and holidays usually. One family Christmas 2 years ago, I watched this poised and lovely young woman across the room, enthusiastically playing games with her younger cousins and laughing uproariously (her infectious laugh!) It struck me that not only had Devon become a mature adult member of society with a responsible job, a college degree, and loving husband, but she seemed to have selected the best attributes of various family members and role models--parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, etc, and incorporated them along with her own unique personality into someone who gave back her very best in full measure to the people she was with, young and old. Her grandmothers would both have been proud of her---getting together with family, playing games, talking, laughing, taking pictures... just enjoying life to the fullest! I was very happy for my young niece, who had done so much in so few years. Devon was so many things to so many people: a rising star, an angel, a precious flower, bright, beautiful, courageous, determined, devoted, loving wife, daughter, granddaughter, friend, teacher.

We could list all the adjectives and all the nouns and then start on the verbs in talking of Devon. I am more of an observer, but Devon was definitely a person of action. I can hear her saying---not sure if I remember or if I'm projecting what I need to hear---"Just Do It, Don't worry whether you have it right or what people will think, Just Say It!" Definitely Devon would tell us: "Go, See the World, Reach Out to people, Smile, Laugh, Love life, Love each other every day you are given, for you don't know how many days you will have.

One can not comprehend why someone young, healthy and vibrant like Devon should get brain cancer or why our medical system couldn't come up with a cure for her. She fought the tumor with such amazing courage and determination. It was unthinkable that our Devon couldn't persuade the experts to do what needed to be done to help her. We all wanted to believe if anyone could beat the odds, Devon would. I watched her fight back from three surgeries, chemo, radiation and more chemo, wanting to do more, wishing I knew more that might help her. But we ran out of time and her body just couldn't come back anymore. It is so very hard to say goodbye when it seems you've just barely said hello. But I knew I had to be there to witness her leaving us last Friday nite.

Devon has done her 500 miles, and left us to carry her spirit forward in our lives. Thank you, Ruthie and all of you for thinking of this way to honor Devon and keep her memory alive. It is especially appropriate for someone who embraced technology and lived connectedness!

Thank you, dear Devon, for all you gave to each of us. My heart is with Noureddin, Diana, Lou, Cory, Poppy, Asako, Alan, Marla, Jason and all of Devon's family and friends as you grieve her loss. We will miss you.
With all my love,

Aunt Julie

Kim Vass

2008-09-27T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

My name is Kim Vass and I am a childhood friend of Devon's. Devon named my daughter, Meadow. I had plans to visit Devon which had to be rescheduled due to the move. Devon was an angel. She was my first friend in elementary school at Cole Elementary. I have great pictures from our childhood which I would like to post if I can please get that login info. My mom Nancy, who is a close friend of Diana's, just left to attend the funeral on Monday. I am unable to go now but will be down in the near future to visit, pay my respects and hopefully meet all of you and share our experiences and love for Devon. My email kvassk4k@yahoo.com. I love you Devon, I know you are with our Father in Heaven. My deepest condolences to Nordeen, Di, Lou and Corey.

~Kim Vass

Photos from Lorin

2008-09-24T20:07:00.001-07:00

Karen

2008-09-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

Remembering My Little Cousin Devon...

When I think back to my childhood, I have the greatest memories of all my Markert cousins. We were a big bunch and a fun bunch who spent many weekends, summers and holidays together. From the moment Devon was born there was just something extra special about her. Her light blonde hair, big Markert blues eyes and infectious smile, she was just the sweetest little girl. Since I'm the youngest of four, I always looked at Devon as my baby sister I never had. She was so precious as a little girl.I moved away from California 18 years ago and missed seeing Devon grow into the amazing women she became. Reading these recent postings about Devon and how she inspired so many doesn't surprise me at all. We are all blessed to have known her. I remember one of my first trips back home to see the family and a bunch of my cousins, including Devon, all got together to hang out and catch up! We cruised the beach being silly and jammin out to the radio and then went for frozen yogurt. I still remember what Devon was wearing, dark jeans with those strong soccer legs and a simple white t-shirt. She was beautiful, happy and upbeat as always. Her smile gorgeous and eyes that lite up the room, just like they did when she was little....( my tears begin)Through emails and blog postings like so many of you who knew Devon, I am deeply inspired by her and so sad that she is gone. Through her difficult treatments and dead ends, she was so brave and full of life and hope. Her positive energy and spirit never left her and it will never leave those of who knew and loved her.Devon, an angel on earth and now our angel in heaven. Forever we will miss you and forever we will love you.

Love Always,

Your cousin Karen

Ms. Thone Ritch

2008-09-24T20:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve literally known Devon since before she was born. Some of my best earliest memories of her are of her beautiful platinum hair flying and her sparkling white teeth as she laughed and raced around playing with her cousins, either in my home or her aunts’ homes. These memories are followed by memories of her talks of her soccer games, travels, teaching experiences, and the love of her life, Nourdin. She was so proud of him, how wonderfully well he could cook, how lovingly he cared for her grandmother, Betty Noke, how much he loved her, etc. Devon and Nourdin were one of the handsomest of couples, their love of life radiating to all around them.

Diana Pendley, Devon’s mother, and others tried desperately to locate possible clinical trials and to seek out sources where money could be borrowed in an effort to save Devon’s life and send Devon and Nourdin to live in whatever states those rescues could be achieved. But Devon’s poor body could not keep up with her sprit; the trial studies were not to be.

If we turn from what we wanted for Devon, a long life, and look at what she did achieve, there is a bitter sweetness there. She accomplished so much in so short a span of time. She lived so fully that most cannot begin to live as completely as she did.

Devon will certainly live on through Nourdin, her students, and all her friends and family, as hopefully they will live by her example of getting everything possible out of life, however short or long.

Ms. Thone Ritch

Valentina

2008-09-23T12:05:00.001-07:00

Dear Devon,
I believe you are in heaven, you deserve that. Devon was my English teacher in Griffith School, Room 1.She was so professional, sweet and patient. She taught me a lot: about English and computers. She inspired me as a teacher and as a person. She will be my inspiration forever. I will keep good memories of her in my heart. She will be always in my prayers. With Great Sadness and Deepest Condolence,

Valentina

Sanghee Lee

2008-09-23T07:57:00.000-07:00

The Great Memories with Devon at Griffith

The first time I met Devon was 4 years ago in the Media room at Griffith adult center. I still remember when she greeted me with her bright smily face in the room. Devon was so intelligent, positive, happy and fun, and such a warm-hearted young lady.

Devon was the first person who taught me how to do "chicken dance" and " hocky pocky dance" at the auditorium stage in the Torrance Park for the summer term ending festival in 2004.

Devon always was a good listener. Whenever I talked about my personal stories with her, she always listened my stories interestingly. Two years ago in Fall, Devon joined room 1 friends private dinner meeting, so we went to the most popular Korean crab restaurant at the Redondo Beach pier. I was only Korean among us so I ordered some steamed crabs and korean dishes included sashimi (raw fish and sea food). Everybody wore a plastic bib for preventing from messy their shirts while they pounding a wooden hammer to break the crabs' legs on the table. It was so funny looking. And, Devon even the first try to eat a piece of a raw sea cucumber that some other friends didn't even try, but she just swellowed it and she said " it tastes so weired." That comment made us laughed so hard. We had very fun dinner time together I never ever forget.

Both Devon and I went to the same school, Cal state Long Beach. In the spring term last year, she was in graduate program and I was in undergraduate program. We often had met on the campus walk way so we could have short talks about our classes each other. When I complained about my difficulty of study in English, she understood my situation and comforted me feel better. "Sanghee, you can do it. Don't worry I'll help you". that was Devon! I wrote these Devon's memories with deepest sympathy from the bottom of my heart.

Sanghee

Yoonjung Hong

2008-09-23T07:55:00.001-07:00

Dear Devon,

I believe you are in heaven nearby our God Father very peacefully....
I still remember you very clearly.
You was my first esl class teacher in room 1 four years ago....
At that time, I was very shy to speak English but you encouraged me very nicely. It was really sweet and helpful.
I will keep good memories with you in my mind.

Love,
Yoon

Branka Marceta and TIMAC

2008-09-22T13:02:00.000-07:00

I met Devon towards the end of her participation in TIMAC as a [Link]Cohort 2 member. I was very impressed by her presentation in May 2006 (you can see the 13 minute video of that presentation at http://drop.io/devonmarkert, along with some photos of her during TIMAC ). We met again, later on that year, at NECC in San Diego (July 2006). We were both very excited about the sessions we attended about technology integration in education. We also had a very nice dinner at a Brazilian churrascaria and spent hours enjoying food and good conversation. It was very interesting to learn about how Devon spent some time in Spain where she met Nourredin. Their relationship had many parallels to mine with my husband, one of us being an immigrant and a non-native speaker. It was my first time eating at a churrascaria, and now it will have a very special place in my memory because it was with Devon. The following school year we asked Devon to be a Super Mentor for our new TIMAC Cohort 3, because we knew how great of a fit for a support mentor she was - very professional, yet caring and enthusiastic about technology in education. She agreed to do it and we were very pleased because we knew that the new teachers in TIMAC are in very good hands with Devon’s kind moral support and strong technical skills. In October 2006, Devon attended a rap-session by Technology Enhanced Language Learning Interest Group with CATESOL (California Teachers of English to Speakers of Other Languages). I gave her my camera to snap photos and take videos. You know how it usually takes a little bit of time for most people to learn how to use a new gadget? Not Devon. She picked it up right away.
Then in March of that school year the news came about the headaches and the tumor. Since that faithful time, we have been following her amazing fight, being very hopeful that she would be back with us and TIMAC very soon. Devon has touched many of our lives and we will miss her immensely. She will live on through the wonderful relationships she has formed with many of us and through the fruitful results of her work with her colleagues and ESL learners. We have been very fortunate to have had her in our adult education community. With the heavy heart, we say goodbye.

Branka Marceta and TIMAC

Devon & Noureddin's Vacation Getaway at Newport Beach's Marriott Resort Sep 4, 2008.

2008-09-21T23:18:00.001-07:00

A Student of Devon's

2008-09-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

The joy and love you gave us will never die.Forever missed forever loved.Our angel on earth has gone home. Devon was my teacher at Griffith School. She was the best teacher in the world.I have no words to express my sorrow in this big loss my deepst condolences to Devon's family and friends. Devon will be my inspiration forever.

Billie Lee Langley

2008-09-21T22:46:00.000-07:00

This is so difficult to write. To me Devon was a breath of fresh air. She gave me so much hope for what the younger generation was about. I got to know Devon while teaching ESL in Torrance Adult. I knew she was a wonderful caring person the minute we started talking. Devon brought me into the 21st Century by teaching me technology stuff. She was a wonderful, gifted mentor. And she made me feel so good about what I was learning. I loved her laugh and her genius. I will miss her so much and I know I was fortunate to be her colleague for even our short time. My heart and prayers go out to her family and friends. Thank you so much for sharing her with us.

With great sadness,
Billie Lee Langley

Daniel

2008-09-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

There are no words. It was an honor to share so much with Devon and to be inspired by her. I will always remember her bursting into a room -- full of energy. We'd talk about classes...then music...and then...always...movies: "Did you see..!" "I loved the new...!" "...was so cool...!" "Oh my gosh...I just saw...!" "You have to...!"I don't think she ever got through 5 minutes without a smile or that infectious giggle either. She was a bright light.
My deepest condolences,
Daniel

Renee Frigon

2008-09-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

Devon and I met on the soccer field as young girls. Years later Ruthie and Devon became great friends and I realized how small this world truly is. As her friendship with Devon grew, Devon and I were able to reconnect through email. All of her emails were always so warm and positive. Also I was able to come from Fresno to attend the Blue Party. We still talk about that night and I even have a picture on my refrigerator of the party. I will miss Devon and pray for her family and friends.
Love
Renee

Karla Frizler Octavio

2008-09-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

Devon & I worked together as ESL Instructors at Torrance Adult School since 2003, and in that time we became good friends. I spoke with or saw her on an almost daily basis for the past few years, and her passing has left a tremendous hole in my heart.

In my entire career, I have never worked with anyone as dedicated, creative, productive, dynamic, powerful, sweet and friendly. She was a visionary who was always looking for new and interesting and more-effective ways of doing things. In that way, we were very similar, champions of thinking outside the box ... constantly challenging our students, our colleagues, our bosses ... ourselves. And having fun along the way! But Devon was different than me. I'm a bull in a china shop. She had a way about her that was so damn sweet and completely disarming. You didn't know she was convincing you to do something or agree to something. I never heard ANYONE say no to her. Never. She just had that certain charisma, that intangible something that drew people to her and made them want to be part of whatever plan she was concocting.

Devon & I began our relationship with me as her mentor, but that dynamic quickly shifted. We ended up mentoring each other. I couldn't believe how much I learned from this "young girl" (I'm 13 years older). I taught her about teaching strategies using technology, dealing with people's fears, etc., but she taught me patience and understanding and how important it is to encourage people even if their ideas are wacky or unrealistic. It didn't matter. Passion is passion, and if she saw even a shred of passion or interest from a student or teacher, she ran with it. I loved that about her. It was just simply her nature to look at the positive in everything and everyone.

After Devon stopped driving, we carpooled to and from work a couple days each week. I cherish those memories now. Sometimes we hatched work plans, other times we talked about American Idol, and lately we talked a lot about things like medical marijuana. But we always talked, and we always laughed. Well, almost always.

I'll never forget one Monday morning in May this year. Over the prior weekend, it was announced that Senator Ted Kennedy had been diagnosed with a glioma. All the news reports seemed to focus on the fact that it was a death sentence. Coward that I am, I was dreading the ride to work the next morning with Devon, and secretly hoped it wouldn't come up. But, being who she was, Devon got into the car and immediately asked me, "Do you think everyone thinks I'm going to die, just like Ted Kennedy?" I responded, "No. I think everyone thinks if anyone can beat cancer, YOU can." She smiled at me, and we proceeded to talk about Britney Spears or some other innane topic for the rest of the drive.

Devon was my colleague, my friend, my "little sister," and "Auntie Devon" to my 3-year-old daughter, Mia. Telling her that Devon passed was one of the hardest things I've ever done. In her infinite wisdom, Mia hugged and kissed me and said, "We miss Auntie Devon. It will be OK, Mommy."

Devon--I will never forget you and all the lessons you taught me, and I vow to make sure you are remembered at school and in my home. You were one of a kind and I feel so blessed to have known you for the time that I did. I love you and miss you terribly, and send all my love to your family and friends.

Lucy Cline

2008-09-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

Hi Ruthie,

Thanks for continuing Devon's blog. She was an international girl with friends all over the place, so this is a wonderful way to keep those who knew her in touch. I lived (with Irene) in the apartment above Devon, Tonya, and Lana in Isla Vista in 1998. So many great memories from those days - throwing parties and sharing laughs. I remember our Wine and Cheese Party on DP, dressing up for Halloween, and celebrating "Y2K" New Years together. Always the gracious hostess, she invited me and my friend to stay with her while we were backpacking through Granada, Spain in 2002. It was here that I met Noureddin and saw what a special connection they had; I was thrilled to attend their wedding back in California. (What a gorgeous bride she was!) She was so happy with him, and I was so happy that she found such a strong love. She passed away the day after I sent them my wedding invitation (I was crossing my fingers she could come to the Bay Area for the event - just like I've been crossing my fingers since her diagnosis). Noureddin, my heart goes out to you and I'm sending all my love and thoughts to you as you cope during these difficult days. I want to extend my deepest sympathy to Devon's family too; she was an amazing person with a warm heart and a contagious laugh. She had an uncanny ability to make you feel at ease, no matter what. I consider myself one of the lucky ones - lucky to have called her a friend and felt the glow of her radiant, kind soul. Dear Devon, my memories of you bring a smile to my face, though for now they compete with the tears over losing you. You are gone too soon - but remembered always and with love.
Lucy Cline

Where to send Cards for Noureddin & Family

2008-09-21T15:13:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have asked where you can send cards to please mail to the following address:

226 Euclid Ave Apt A
Long Beach, CA 90803

And in lieu of flowers (per Devon's wishes) donations would be appreciated. Tonya is working on a trust or a place where people may donate if they wish to. Stay tuned regarding this...

Funeral Arrangements

2008-09-21T01:01:00.000-07:00

The funeral service for Devon Markert will take place at:

Green Hills Memorial Park
27501 South Western Avenue
Rancho Palos Verdes, Ca 90275
www.greenhillsmemorial.com

Monday, September 29 2008 @ 3:00pm

Please join us in celebrating Devon's life!

Irene

2008-09-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

Devon and I met at Santa Barbara in 1998 - she was my downstairs neighbor on Trigo Road, along with Nichole, Lana and Tonya. She became one of my close friends in the SB years and beyond. We were both planning on being in Europe during the summer of 1999, so we decided to meet up in Italy and travel the majority of it together.Devon was *the* perfect travel buddy and I have said that to this day... she was so mellow, so cool, so fun, so thoughtful, so amazing... I often think of the memories from that trip.She put a quote in her Europe '99 photo album that I stole and have put in my album - I'm not sure who wrote it: "You will bring back pots and pictures. A sheaf of photographs. A jingle of coins. But you will bring back more. A vision of a wide world. Remembered laughter. New friends. New understanding."And that's our girl.One thing I can say about Dev is that she *lived* her short life. I don't mean to be crass, but she grabbed it by the balls and truly lived it. We can only hope to do that in our own lives.I have so many wonderful memories of my fun, crazy, incredible, beautiful Devon. Always a smile on her face, always so positive and supportive. WE are the blessed ones, for having known her and loved her and to have had her a part of our life.And Ruthie, YES, she was the best gift-giver. She gave me the most beautiful journal before I went for Australia - wrapped in a beautiful scarf (she said she learned that from Asako) - and the journal is the only one I still have and own. I wrote in that thing nearly everyday during my time there. I had always intended to have journals - in fact, when I was much younger I wrote in them - but this is the only one I've kept. She knew a thing or two whether she knew it or not. :)From nights past, to tonight, to many nights ahead: Devon, I love you, you have been and always will be a ray of sunshine in my life. I miss you so much it hurts.

-Irene

Arash

2008-09-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

Devon,

We will continue to miss you long into our years. We met in college, a time so blissful and full of warm memories for me that you are forever etched into that time which I hold so dear in my heart. Irene loved you dearly. Irene loves you dearly. And through your friendship with her, we became friends. I got to know your smile, which I see right now in my mind as I type this note. I became familiar with your grace and the sense that you had a kind soul about you. I wish this wasn't so Devon. I truly do. Be at peace and may you reunite with all your loved ones when the time comes.

Arash

Clara

2008-09-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

Ruthie, even though, you don't know me, I want to say thank you very much for posting Devon's blog. She was so very special person to me.How can I express how much Devon means to me. The words just don't seem to be enough. I wish she'd never gone away. She was my inspiration in everything. I'll never forget her. Goodbye is not the right word, as I will see her again one day, until then, I will meet her in my dreams and hold her in my heart. My deepest condolences to Devon's family and friends. My prayers are with you.Please I would like to give her my last goodbye.

Fondly,

Clara

Marla Pendley

2008-09-20T23:06:00.000-07:00

In so many ways, I am the luckiest person I know. She was a friend, a sister, a confidant and a teacher; I am so lucky to have been blessed to know her and learn from her.

I met Devon while at UCSB, thanks to our mutual friend Camilla. I worked with Camilla, who was in charge of a Conversation Partners program that matched UCSB students - Devon - with the international students for a little coffee talk. Devon always made friends from all over the world. Camilla and Devon became good friends, and Camilla brought me along to one of Devon's parties on DP. Oh, the good old days. But Devon and I were always two ships passing in the night. I was studying abroad while she was in Santa Barbara, I came back and she went to Spain. But when I returned from Europe the second time, it was time for Camilla to move back to Denmark. We met up for a goodbye party for Camilla, and from that point on our rivers finally came together.

At times we were both busy with school (her Master's and my credential) and work, but whenever we stole a moment to see each other, it was as if no time had passed at all. I was very alone in the OC/Long Beach area, and she was kind enough to introduce me to her friends. Sometimes I wonder if my mom, who passed away almost 10 years ago, sent me to her. Devon always knew what everyone needed, and I certainly needed her and a community of girlfriends.
Not only did she know what everyone needed, she knew exactly how to either gently put them in their place or soothe their souls. Admittedly, I have not always been the best person in the world. I had made several bad decisions (an internal meltdown), and she kindly let me know what an idiot I was. I had a short bout with the early stages of cancer, and looking back on my experience I cannot help but feel ridiculous. I was such a baby compared to how strong she has been. But she was there for me, encouraged me, helped me see the bigger picture. She always had such a positive perspective; her glass was always at least a little more than half-full, no matter what. Her perspective had always been that life was too short and too precious to take for granted and waste being depressed.

She amazes me. I have always been simultaneously in awe, inspired, proud and envious of Devon and her ambition. Her work at her school, the programs that she created, the work that she did in Sacramento, the relationships she developed with her students: she will always be my mentor. She inspired me to continue through the credential program and be a teacher myself. She encouraged me to go through with a summer Master's program back at UCSB. I owe so much of who I am today to her.

One day, sipping Noureddin's amazing mint tea, we talked deeply about our childhoods and what we wanted out of our lives. One thing that came up: we wanted our parents to be happy. She spoke of her mom's love of budget travel and laid back nesting attitude, and I spoke of my dad's similar frugality. It clicked: they would be a perfect match. In essence, I got to pick Devon to be the sister I always wanted. After a few canceled coffee dates, our parents finally connected. Diana even trusted my dad to fly her out on a date in a four-seat Cessna, with an oil leak across the windshield. And she came back for more! They married in November 2006. Devon always knew what everyone needed - her mom needed a rock of a husband, my dad needed a solid woman who wasn't a floozy, and we both needed them to be happy.

Devon, always beautifully put together, thoughtful and gregarious, knew how to throw a party, in spite of her disinterest in housekeeping. She was an amazing hostess. She admitted that she didn't like cooking, but could throw hors d'oeuvres together and present them on a beautiful platter without ever thinking twice. After our parents married (both of whom have no interest in traditional Thanksgivings and Christmases), we tried our best to put on good ones, down to golden chargers under the dinner plates. And she always looked stunning, with her beautiful legs and model hands. I asked her a while back how she always kept them so perfect. Her answer "I don't do anything; Noureddin does the housework." I chuckled last night holding her hand for the last time - they were still perfect without a professional manicure.

Devon always made everything so beautiful. She was instrumental in designing our parents' wedding: countless orders on Nordstrom.com to find the perfect gown for her mother and dresses for us, the flowers, hair and makeup. Two and a half months later (after waiting what seemed and eternity for my then-fiance to get his US visa and move from Michigan to California), I told Devon that we had three weeks to plan another wedding - my own. There we were again, on Nordstrom.com. I was so blessed to have her by my side, and she was so gracious and beautiful in spite of her incessant headaches. This was February 2007, one month before her diagnosis. And she insisted on being there and helping me plan for my August church wedding. She threw the bridal shower, beautiful invitations and all, but couldn't even be there. She stood by my side at the alter again, my chosen sister.

I was with her much of the time in the hospitals, amazed at her progress and ability to reorganize entire hospital wards. She would not have been happy last night with Kaiser! Diana and I chuckled that she would have bossed them around in her pleasant manner until they got it straight.

Yesterday at the hospital, she looked so angelic. She has taught us all so many lessons, and I will never forget her ambition, caring nature, grace, intelligence, poise and beauty. Every moment she inspires me to be a better friend, a better person; I hope that I can live up to her example.

Marshall Coyle

2008-09-20T23:05:00.001-07:00

Devon was a beautiful woman; beautiful for living out her days with a smile as she endured. I was fortunate for the chance to spend some time with Devon throughout this year & it was striking how gracious she was as she fought her cancer. From the first day I walked into her house, she met me with a smile & hug, as she never met a stranger, and treated me as a long time friend. It was refreshing to see her remain positive and sharp up to her end. I will always be thankful of the time I was able to spend with her, Noureddin & Ruthie. My heart & prayers go out to those who knew Devon best. She was a gift & your sorrow is felt by us all.

- Marshall Coyle

Chris

2008-09-20T23:04:00.001-07:00

Devon was such a wonderful person, a rising star who has now reached the heavens. You have taught me, more than twice your age, many important lessons on how to live. It was an honor knowing you, Devon. Be at peace.

Your friend,

Chris

Susan Gaer

2008-09-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

This is really a hard email for me because tears are just all over me,my computer and keyboard. I met Devon as a part of TIMAC (TechnologyIntegration Mentor Academy). This was part of a state wide initiative to spread technology throughout California to adult education teachers. We instantly became friends and flew back and forth toSacramento. She was a spectacular person whose short 28 years in lifehad a profound effect on a multitude of people. I don't know what elseto say and if I don't stop typing, my computer will fry because of mytears. Oh one of the cool websites she turned me onto was dfilm at http://www.dfilm.com/live/home.html. This had a profound effect on my low beginning ESL students. Devon wewill miss you forever!

Susan Gaer

Carlee Barnes

2008-09-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

yesterday the world became a little smaller because we lost someone who helped to make it a little better. Devon Markert passed away last night at Kaiser Hospital in Los Angeles. As many of you know she has been battling brain cancer since March of 2007. She went to the hospital after a fall and a series of headaches last week and an MRI showed the tumors on her cerebellum taking up all of the brain cavity space, as well as blood on the brain. They performed an emergency surgery to relieve the pressure by cutting back the tumor and draining the blood, but knew that it wouldn't help save her life for much longer, but long enough for family and friends to say their goodbyes. They also found several other tumors starting to grow around her brain stem, which was an entirely separate place than her previous tumors on her cerebellum. We got to say goodbye to Devon yesterday, she was in a comotose state, but we think maybe she heard us and maybe it helped her to let go and be at peace and out of the pain and suffering she has undergone in the last year and a half. She is desparately missed and the pain and anger from losing someone so young and full of life and love is beyond comprehension. I will post more information about the funeral when we know more. Please lift up prayers for her family and husband.

Ruthie Fast Remembering Devon

2008-09-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

Our dear Devon. She left us yesterday to rest eternally. Coming to a place of acceptance on why someone so young and so full of life had to leave us this early is going to be a long journey for us all. At this particular moment I can do nothing but have thoughts and memories and love for her encompass my being. All I want to do is let the world know how amazing this person was and how she changed my life.

I figure many of you are having that same experience and thanks to my good friend Marshall, the idea of continuing this blog as a remembrance of her came easy as the best thing to do. A way for all of us who loved Devon to become a community and support each other through this tragedy. A place for us to write down these wonderful, silly, beautiful memories that make us laugh and cry throughout the day. A place for us to share pictures. A place for us to tell stories of how she changed each and every one of our lives forever.

Devon and I both went to high school in Clovis and also went to college in Santa Barbara. Interestingly though we went to different schools so we never met until October of 2002, when we both randomly ended up living in Long Beach a year or so post-college. Our mutual friend Nichole still lived in Santa Barbara but had been trying to introduce us for quite a while since we were both somewhat new in the same town. She had given me Devon’s number and finally I decided I would call her and see if she wanted to meet up. I picked up the phone, dialed her number and on the other end of the phone I hear a “MOM?!”… I was so thrown off that I hung up the phone. I didn’t know why she called me Mom or why I hung up but I couldn’t stop laughing. Apparently my phone number had a private ID at the time and so did her mother’s. Eventually we finally did connect and we never stopped laughing about that story… or in general. When we were together we were usually laughing.

We ended up not only immediately becoming very close friends but also living across from each other in the same apartment complex so we often times felt like roommates. Her husband Noureddin and my boyfriend at the time Saryat also became insta-friends with their love for soccer and probably commiserating on how it was being with these stubborn Aquarius Amercian woman. The four of us spent hours cooking together and playing Gin Rummy. Thankfully I got to know Devon very well. If I were to write down all the things I want to write about her this would be a book. But for now I want to write about some of my favorite things about Devon Markert.

She was probably the best gift-giver I knew. I never grew up being big on material gifts, and still am not, but the way Devon gave gifts made a huge impact on me. Devon would think about you- about what you were going through, what you were interested in, or what you needed and would go out searching for it. I was having my whole family in town for a big Christmas dinner one year and I woke up that morning getting ready to start cleaning and cooking. I opened my front door to find a huge basket full of wine, fancy cheeses, and all sorts of other fun things she had put together to make my family Christmas party so much more exciting. She did that kind of thing all the time whether it was Christmas, my birthday or just a random Wednesday where she found something at the store that she remembered me saying I needed. And she always presented them with such love- all wrapped up with a caring smile and hug, or as a surprise that I found at my door or in my mailbox. Whenever I had a family member or a friend I needed to get a gift for I would ask her for ideas and she would ask me “what are they into right now, what do they spend a lot of their time doing these days…” and her thoughtfulness would lead us to the perfect gift idea. Devon taught me to be a better giver.

Let’s just talk about how amazing of a host Devon was. A couple months after we met we realized that our birthdays were two days apart and so we decided to plan a big joint-birthday party. We loooooooooved to party plan together. I was about the details and cooking and she was all about the ideas and making it creative. She came up with the idea of having a “Blue Party”. Everyone had to wear blue, the décor would be blue, the drinks would even be blue. At the time a client of mine was a bartender and agreed to supply us with free booze for the party. He asked us to come by his bar over lunch on a Tuesday afternoon to try out some blue drinks he made up. After one too many sips of cocktails containing Blue Curacao, Blue Raspberry vodka and Blue Aliza… we forgot what day it was and on walking back down Long Beach Blvd definitely made our way through a couple bars not even noticing that we were the only ones there, dancing up a storm. Around 10pm that evening we found ourselves sitting in Hooters and I remember having a moment where we both looked at each other with confused looks and she said “why have we never had these chicken wings before, these are AMAZING!” Back to the point- Devon was an incredible host. Whether it was a dinner party, a potluck or you were just going to her place for tea- she always had goodies sitting out for you and made you feel so comfy and welcomed in her home.

One thing that makes me smile the most when I think of Devon is her amazing memory. You had to be careful about what you told Devon because believe you me, she would remember it. You sometimes have to tell me five times where you went to college or what exactly you do for work. Devon would remember the birth date of your great aunt so and so and… what makes me laugh right now is that I’m trying to remember examples of times she remembered things that I couldn’t… and she is the person I would normally ask to think of those examples. There was one instance when Carlee, Devon and I made a bet (who knows what about) and whoever lost the bet had to do something… a couple months had gone by and neither Carlee nor I could remember what the loser had to do. We were trying to remember and in tears because Devon was going through her first surgery at the time. After the surgery we told Devon who lost the bet and with very limited speech she said, “Oh yeah, Ruthie you have to buy Carlee and I pedicures now.” Her memory astonished me. Even after both brain surgeries she had a better memory for dates, names and details than most people I know.

Devon knew how to be there for her friends. She taught me so much about loyalty and dependability. She would never fail to call to wish you good luck on a presentation you had been preparing for or check up on you if you were sick. There were several times throughout the last six years where I faced major difficulties. If you’re like me sometimes you don’t know exactly what it is you need when you’re sick or going through tough times. You think you want to be alone, or maybe you do want your friends around, you want help or maybe you don’t… Devon was the kind of friend who didn’t dare ask what you needed. She didn’t need to. She knew you well enough to know exactly what you needed. There was one time in particular that sticks out in my mind. It was a few years ago. I was so down and going through a major life change. Devon would not leave my side. She put everything else in her life aside and spent time with me until I was comfortably asleep in my bed that night. She didn’t make me talk about it, didn’t try to make me laugh or distract me- she was just there and it was exactly what I needed. I will never forget that. I want to be the kind of friend Devon was to me.

Any of you who know Devon know that she could go months without cleaning her kitchen or doing laundry. Any of you who know me know that I am the biggest neat-freak ever. It always made me smile to walk into her closet to borrow a purse and I literally couldn’t see the ground. It made me smile to recognize how we are all built so different. But as different as I am, this mess of hers was the most beautiful thing ever to me. She wasn’t concerned with where her stuff was or how clean her sink was, she was concerned about bigger things- the people in her life, world events, working hard… and more than that it was a simple contentedness that she lived with. It wouldn’t phase her that she couldn’t find her favorite pair of shoes, she would just settle for another pair that day. There are numerous times where she would be over at my place in the evening and discover that she had put two different socks on that morning and she’d always chuckle about it. Yesterday Nichole and I went to visit Devon in the hospital to say our goodbyes and when we left neither of us could remember what floor Nichole had parked her car on. During our search up and down the elevator, circling different floors of the parking lot, we were in tears laughing about how Devon used to do these things all the time. Once (and I can’t remember who she was with, surprise surprise) she went out shopping and left her car door open for hours. Okay- not unlocked. Not ajar. OPEN. Wide open. And with tons of her belongings all sitting in her car free for anyone to steal. Not a thing was missing when she returned and her car battery was still fine somehow. Those are the things about Devon that I love and that make my cry laughing. She knew how to just relax in a way that I never have been able to and I loved being around her because of it.

This contentedness leaks into the last and most important characteristic I want to mention about Devon. To say Devon was a positive person seems like a huge understatement. Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing could get her down. I watched her go through numerous life crisis from a death in the family to her apartment burning down… and then of course to find out she had cancer. She experienced pain and struggle like the rest of us but I’m not exaggerating when I say she was just a happy content fun person no matter what life threw her way. A month and a half ago I was in town from Dallas. Devon and I got all dressed up to go to a nice dinner together at one of our favorite nearby Italian restaurants. It’s a few feet away but we had to get a cab because her balance was so bad that she could barely walk. I moved to Dallas 6 months ago and hadn’t seen Devon nearly as much as I wanted to. I’d been missing her and wanting to talk with her in depth about how she was doing with her on-going battle. I sat across from her at dinner and asked her: “how are you doing physically?” She told me all the facts about her balance, her speech, her appetite, etc. Then I asked her “How are you doing emotionally?” She said “I’m doing fine”. “You haven’t been dealing with depression at all?” I asked. She said with a shrug “It’s just not in my nature to get depressed.” And it wasn’t. She was happy as a clam til the end. Aside from the pain she went through initially when she learned she had cancer, it wasn’t her style to dwell on the bad. She didn’t focus on the fact that she had a hard time walking, she focused on the latest song she had added to her ipod. She would listen to it with a huge smile on her face singing as loud as she could. And she’d send me a text or an email in the middle of the day telling me all about it and attaching a Utube link. She didn’t focus on the fact that it was getting harder to speak, but on the fact that a new episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” was playing that night. Devon’s positive nature has always been and always will be an inspiration to me.

Devon’s giving nature, uncanny memory, hosting abilities, loyalty, contentedness, and wonderfully positive outlook on life… these are all things about her that I am thinking of right now. But I know these things only make up a tiny fraction of who she was and who she was to all of you. Please share your own stories and memories of Devon and include photos. Even if you just have a one-sentence memory that you want to share- include it on here. You can add it to the comments or you can send them to carleekajsa@gmail.com and we will post them for you. Let’s honor her together in this way.
-Ruthie

Devon is Resting Peacefully

2008-09-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

My name is Ruthie and I am a good friend of Devon Markert's.

Most of you have already heard the devastating news that our dear Devon has fought her fight to the end and is now resting in peace. She went in to the hospital last week due to pain and ended up going in for an emergency surgery Thursday, September 18th. The surgery was to remove the pressure and blood found in the brain. However, it was not to save her life, only to prolong it as there were additional tumors growing on her brain stem. After the surgery Devon was in a comatose state and attached to a breathing tube until last night. Thankfully close friends and family were able to say their goodbyes before she breathed her last breath.

Devon's family as well as her long-time childhood friends, Tonya and Stephanie, will be making arrangements for the funeral. Tonya or I will send out a post giving you more details very soon. More to come...

gngngngngngngngngngngng

Five Hundred Miles (Devon's Last Entry)

2008-08-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

As I was packing boxes to move ( yes we have to move, not sure where to yet, but as of Oct 1 we have to be out of our LB place) I came across lyrics to a folk song that some ESL students at El Camino College sang to me on my last day observing their class. It's called Five Hundred Miles. My generation, and younger, were not aware of that song and when I did a You Tube search I found a Peter, Paul and Mary clip of it. I liked the version by The Brothers Four best: Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLeyCX3Em-c

I think the lyrics are very poignant and many people don't truely understand the sacrifices an immigrant makes as he immigrates to a new land, leaving a life including family, jobs, culture and identity behind. I am really moved by the lyrics, "Not a shirt on my back, Not a penny to my name. Lord I can't go back home this a way."

In a time when so many people are suffering in the US, because of the economy and natural disasters, there is a certain amount of comfort because this is our culture and we know what to expect. Though our expectations are not always met, and I'm an expert on disappointment these days, we can still relish in knowing what is expected of people in our culture and how to gain justice if our needs are not met. That normalcy in the US, and so much more, is what an American Immigrant is forced to learn.

Gipsy Kings

2008-08-21T09:43:00.001-07:00

We had a mini vacation in San Diego, Shelter Bay. Noureddin and I took the train to San Diego and stayed at a hotel that featured concerts. We brought our snacks and munched on them on the train and near the pool. The hotel, Humphry's Half Moon Inn and Suites, is decorated with a tropical theme and from our room we could hear the music from our favorite band, The Gipsy Kings. We brought our dinner to the pool and enjoyed the sounds even better poolside. It was nice and a well deserved break!

A few of our favorite songs:
See a You Tube clip of the Gipsy Kings performing El Camino, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSjmc7AFdZI

See a You Tube clip of the Gipsy Kings performing Un Amor,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ds05Cq0zEtg&feature=related
( this video clip is super cheesy)

Rhythm of the falling rain

2008-08-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

I have the iPod on shuffle and just heard Rhythm of the Falling Rain by the Cascades. Does anyone remember that oldie but goodie? I think my cousin Jennifer and I heard that on Rags to Riches (a movie that we obsessed on). Yeah I'm sure no one would believe this but I actually watched that over and over again, unlike the tapes I made of my favorite songs in college like Summer of '69 and The Rose. where I recorded them over and over again and the whole tape consisted of one song. Now CDs and MP3 players have the repeat option, see I was on to something. :-)

Italian Food

2008-08-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

BTW (that's By the Way), I changed the order of my last 4 entries so August is the last one. It was bugging me that the entries were out of order. I once told my dad you can't change the order of the entries, I was wrong. You can. OOPS!

My friend Ruthie and I went on a romantic date last night. We listened to Alli's iPod (she sent it to me and I LOVE it) and got ready. We had fun getting ready and even more fun on our date. I had my first glass of wine in a LONG time. I didn't finish it, but it was still good and I definitely enjoyed being out at night as I haven't been for quite some time. We took a cab to the restaurant as I can walk some, but I fear that the walk to the restaurant, which I could do easily a year ago, would have been too tiring for me. Our friend Carlee picked us up. The cab ride reminded me of all the cab rides I took from my home in Spain to school in Spain, that was when the Dollar was strong and the Euro was weak. Yes, that was the case when the Euro first was used.

Noureddin and I watched Mad Money when I returned. I fell asleep so I need to see it again. We also got 2 discs of The Wire through Netflix.

I'm listening to Michael Bolton's When a man loves a woman, Billboard top 100 from ?, I love you Alli!

update August 2008

2008-08-09T00:49:00.000-07:00

Hey. I started this blog in June to update everyone but I lost my camera connector so I didn't post anything. I just found it so I want to update all now.

So I turned on the TV and found Boys II Men featured on ABC and N.K.O.T.B. has been all over the radio. Not to mention that Indiana Jones is in the theatre now. I feel like I went to sleep and woke up in the 90's.

Most of you heard that I returned to work. I worked 4 days a week, from May 19 to July 25, responsible for curriculum development and a Program Orientation PowerPoint. I'm really enjoying work and am grateful that I am able to return. I will return again in September when school resumes. Thank you so much to all of my colleagues that helped me across the "pond" and up/down Mt. Everest ( the steep ramp by Portia's office) during the month of July. I wish my lack of balance was nothing but we all knew that it was symptomatic of a bigger issue which the MRI in the end of July showed.

I continued with Temodar and Zofran, 5 days a month. The second round in May wasn't so bad, and the MRI showed diminished growth in areas that showed growth in the last MRI. And the MRI in June showed growth through the Temodar so I was recommended to do IV treatments of Carbo-Platinum and Avastin. I did that and after one month the MRI showed continued growth,sigh:-(, so I now will start with CPT 11 (Chemo) and Avastin, an IV treatment that I will do twice a month. Basically nothing is working and this is the last treatment that they have for me. Next would be a Clinical Trial if there are any that pertain to me. My friend Steph calls my tumor D2, as it has proved to be as stubborn as me. So this has to work since all other treatments have failed. Let's will this one to be the magical combination that cures me, shall we?

On a very positive note I went to San Diego with Alli and Stephanie and we heard the sounds of Pat Benetar from our patio. Alli's mom, Pam, who is like a second mom to me cooked some yummy food for us to snack on in San Diego. So we indulged on her home cooked food. So good! Alli also had over 5000 songs in her iPod so we very much enjoyed listening to that on the way to SD.

On a very negative note my landlord is selling our place. :-( It's a duplex, zoned for four, with three garages, currently hosting two one bedroom apartments. Going for 560-569,000, not sure of the price. It seems good to me.

On another positive note, Tonya came to visit and we had dinner with my Aunt Nonie and Uncle Don. We had a fun time chatting at the restaurant Casa Pulida in the Redondo Beach Riviera. Tonya took me to get blood work drawn and the results showed that my platelets were too low therefore postponing chemo at least a week depending on the results of my next blood work.

July 2008

2008-08-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

I went to my friend Bryan's 30th Birthday Luah. They had great f00d, Hawaiian music and Hula Dancers.

Had a good time visiting with Ruthie and Nichole. They bought me a brunette wig, so now I'm a cute brunette. You Like? We hung out on a Thursday night, then went to breakfast and had Manis and Pedis the next morning. Girlie time!

Sarah came for a day and we caught up. She is in between Tajikistan and Moscow now so her visit was short but sweet. She reminded me that I need to get on Facebook like all the cool people but you all see how good I am at Blogging. I'm afraid that my entries would be just as frequent on facebook.

June 2008

2008-08-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

We started the month by attending a wedding at the Adamson house in Malibu. Our friends Billy and Christine got married and my Uncle Bill married them. It was a very fun wedding full of good food and Hula dancers. I bought a new dress, unfortunately I have lost so much weight that when I wore it on 6.7.08 it was already too large for me. :-(

Noureddin and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary by going to my favorite local Italian place. It was uneventful as the next day I had a MRI scheduled so that was on our minds.

At the end of June my friends Jasmine and Ellen came. It was so good to see them! We met in Spain, so the three of us have a special bond. We just hung out and caught up. I see them about once a year, usually during the summer. Jasmine lives in San Jose and Ellen is in Boston so reuniting with them isn't as frequent as I'd like.

May 2008

2008-08-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

This is what I was up to in May.

I continued to do my Ki alternative treatments in May and really felt much benefit from the energy exchange treatments I received.

My cousin Phil came for a visit as he as was in town for a short while. My dad and Asako came over and Noureddin and I visited with him.

The Sunday before memorial day we went to a Bar B Que at our friends Stephanie and Christian's house. Their kids are getting so big! Noureddin brought them outfits from Morocco.Not sure if this image is from May, but these are the kids and the outfits.

On memorial day we hung out with our neighbors. We also spent te 4th of July hanging out with them in a boat in Long Beach, near the Queen Mary.

I went to see the movie Sex and the City with Steph and her mom. It was such a good movie. We saw it at a big theatre in Newport. Mostly women came and most were dressed up in dresses and heels!

A month plus

2008-04-27T00:46:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's been a while since I've written in this blog. Since I had brain surgery within that month I'll give myself an excuse for this tardy blog entry. Yes, I had to have another brain surgery, that's three craniotomies and one VP shunt within 13 months, if you're counting. I was scheduled to have it on April 1 but I needed the surgery earlier so I was admitted to the Kaiser hospital in Anaheim on March 26 and had the surgery in the early morning of March 28. I was a little relieved that the operation didn't happen on April Fool's Day. I really wouldn't have appreciated any April Fool's jokes on that day.

I returned home on Wednesday April 2, 5 days post surgery. I couldn't get out of there soon enough. My wrists were badly bruised from the IV's and I do not enjoy being woken up in the middle of the night.

I started Temodar, a chemotherapy drug designed to treat Glioma Brain cancer. The treatment is not as strenuous as the treatment for Medulloblastoma so I have been able to tolerate the side effects very well. I only have to take the Temodar pills for five days at home, then I have three weeks off. No IV's so I feel much better.

Noureddin and I went to San Diego to meet with my new Oncologist. We stayed at a hotel in La Jolla and were able to make a mini vacation out of the trip. It was such a nice break. The first picture is of us by the pool, the second is a view near our room. This hotel was awesome! Fortunately my appointment was during off peek season, so the rooms were half priced and we made a reservation online and got a really good deal.

My Hard Drive had to get replaced so I have been spending time transferring documents, songs etc. Noureddin rearranged the furniture in the house and made it more accessible for me. My gate is still off, so I have a walker. I can get by fine without it. It's a good thing that I like to lean on people, 'cause I do. My speech was slurred after the surgery so a Speech therapist came to my home 3 times, and I'm cured! Not really, but my speech is better than it was three weeks ago.

Medusa Lounge for Evi's Bday

2008-03-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

Look how cute Noureddin and I are in this picture. We went out for our freind Evi's 30something Bday party last Friday. This was the first time I went out in over a year, so I really wasn't sure what to wear. I donned my Black Down JCrew jacket to keep myself warm, but that jacket was way too bulky and not cute. So I revisited my closet and found a Black leather jacket I got from Morocco, Perfect! We went into LA for the party. It was at a cool club called Medusa. But I remember why I hate LA so much. We hit traffic getting there and then when we arrived everyone was dressed to the nines, with tall boots and short skirts. As we left, a girl was complaining b/c the valet had lost her Black Mercedes. Why in the world would a girl her age, younger than me, be driving a Mercedes? And why, oh why, would she bring it to this dodgy area of LA and then Valet the thing? Some people are so dumb.

For the past month

2008-03-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

This entry is to appease the wishes of my friend Michael Yuan.

I have been a busy girl this past month. Here's what I've been up to.

I saw the Oscars at Stephanie and Christian's house. See photo with their 4 year old Bella in front of their 100 inch TV. The projector is connected to the cable box, which makes the screen a TV. It's so cool!

I tried to see as many academy award nominated films as possible pre Oscars. So my Dad and I saw There will be Blood, Evi and I saw Juno and I watched Eastern Promises, In the Valley of Elah and Michael Clayton at home. I liked Juno the best.

Noureddin was gone for the majority of the month (Feb 11-Mar 11), so we celebrated Valentine's Day early. I don't mind being alone, so this long separation was good for me. Also, I still haven't started my clinical trial and it appears that I will need a third surgery prior to the next treatment, so I have been busy meeting the doctors etc. trying to arrange the next steps for my health. Noureddin and my friends and family have been great at helping out, especially while he was gone, so I was able to split my time between my home and other people's homes. They also helped out big time with rides to and from places, so that was great!

Here's a photo with my friend Clara and I at a French restaurant in the Redondo Beach Riviera. Portia set me up with a neighbor of hers who has a Reiki Center in RB, so I have been going there for over a month now. It's a great treatment, and I always feel refreshed after I go.

Ruthie and I spent V Day together and celebrated by going to the movies and seeing Matthew McConaughey in Fool's Gold. He had his shirt off for the majority of the movie. It was great. In case you didn't see it, here's a picture of the genetically gifted Matthew at the beach.

I'm listening to Pat Benatar's " Love is a Battlefield." A big thanks to American Idol for re-acquainting me with this song. This reminds me of three things. The first is when Lana was driving in Santa Barbara singing Pat Benatar and not paying attention to the road. Hilarious! Can't listen to Pat without thinking about that. The second is a line in this song "We are strong. No one can tell us we're wrong" reminds me of my stubborn and young nieces Mia and Bella. Thirdly I'm reminded of the inevitable battles of a couple when confronted with the issues of "Life Married" as Noureddin calls it.

Look at Matthew again before you sign off. (As if you need permission)

Music 2/18

2008-02-19T12:49:00.000-08:00

I'm going to give you an entry like Poppy's emails. I am going to ramble about nothing important.

I forgot to tell you what I'm listening to. Currently listening to "Apologize" by Timbaland and One Republic. "Apologize" is a very good song, and not as sad as "Hey there Deliliah" the other slow song I recently purchased from iTunes. "Apologize" reminds me of my favorite reality show ever, So you think you can Dance. I can't wait until it starts again. But I do really enjoy American Idol, which is on tonight BTW.

I found an image of Timbaland and JT dancing in Justin's Crazy, Sexy... (I forgot the title), Tour. They collaborate on some of JT's songs for his newest album and for this song "Chop me up" he and Timbaland were bending over walking, it was funny. Skinny JT was trying to bounce like Timbaland. Ruthie and I must have watched that performance 100 times (well not that many, I'm exaggerating a little). I'm still reminded of that dance every time I hear Timbaland (which is a lot lately since he has contributed to many artist's tracks).

Weekend 2/16

2008-02-19T10:29:00.000-08:00

Had a good President's day weekend visiting with friends. I made Chicken Cacciatore with my friend Evi Saturday night and we watched Evan Almighty. Such a cute movie!

Sunday my mom took me to Karla's in Santa Ana and we attended a very informative CPR class in her neighborhood. I definitely don't want to choke anytime soon, and as the instructor reiterated again and again there is a 3% chance of survival for an adult who is choking if a febilator (spelling is wrong) is not used. Kinda major! On the upshot I hung out with her 2 1/2 year old who is adorable, and reminds me of me when I was her age. Although I think I may have been worse for a while. If the stories were told to me correctly I was beating up kids (boys & girls) who used my tire swing and time out was a break for me to catch my breath in between harassing other children. Mia's not that bad.

Then on Sunday Steph picked me up from Karlas and we went to lunch with her two children: ages 4 and almost 1. Bella's the 4 year old and just as stubborn as I was at that age, and some would say I still am. I'll never forget when she announced to the group of adults at her Mom's Bday party, "I need attention please." She's so cute! I love her and Mia's spirits! At age 1, well 1 on March 1, Logan is such a ladies man. He's so sweet!

Valentine's Day

2008-02-11T10:52:00.000-08:00

Noureddin and I celebrated V Day yesterday since he is on his way to Spain and Morocco now. We went to a nice Italian restaurant by our house called Christy's. See picture above. We have been wanting to go there for a while. It was a cute place. I got the cheese ravioli and he got the Italian Paella with lots of fish.

I was awakened today by a phone call from a doctor's assistant in Washington DC with information needed to attain a second opinion. So I spent most of the morning preparing the box to send to them and following up on a few loose ends.

Now listening to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" in memory of the Walsh Family Gig nights.

Mercury, Pedicures & Stroganoff

2008-02-06T23:13:00.000-08:00

Again, not much to report.

Went to the dentist today and got one of my Mercury fillings removed and replaced with a composite and I got another new cavity filled with a composite. Will return Friday to replace the other Mercury filling. Then I'm done. If only my Cancer treatment could be so simple. Still no word on my next treatment. :-(

Then I went and got a pedicure with Ruthie and Carlee. The bottom-of-foot-massage always makes me laugh b/c I am ticklish there. Afterwards we had Beef Stroganoff at Carlees. I ate my serving and a spinach salad. I even had a few Reese's Peanut Butter cup candies to congratulate myself on eating so well and so much for dinner.

Currently listening to Britney Spears "I'm a slave for you" Even though the girl is a little loony now, her music still rocks. She even said in this song, "I know I may be young. But I have feelings too... All you people look at me like I'm a little girl. Well, Did you ever think it be okay for me to step into this world." I know many of you are closet Britney's music lovers. Poor thing needs help. I wish she had the love and support I have.

Big Move

2008-02-05T20:00:00.001-08:00

Ruthie's leaving the LBC. I can't believe it. Though I think it's a good move and I support her in this transition. If I remember correctly, and I think I do, I think I won a bet I had with Carlee and Ruthie. I think I need to collect on that bet before Ruthie leaves. Girls, if you don't need that treatment something else would be fine for me. :-)

Ruthie, I hope that you keep up with our "book club." Ruthie, Carlee and I participated in a book club. I did as much as purchase the book for both Ruthie and I, online. And Carlee read the whole book. Now it's a movie so it's a good thing that I didn't read it! J/K

We also enjoy watching the character "Penelope" on SNL. I looked for a video clip of her super funny character, but I couldn't find one. So an image will have to do to refresh your memory.

Now listening to Alicia Keys "No One" and remembering how Ruthie and I saw her perform in the VMA's on my new (at the time) TV. I didn't set the screen size right so everyone looked stretched out and big. We were commenting on her outfit and asking why she would wear such an outfit when she gained so much weight. Then these skinny dancers came out and they too looked large, that's when Ruthie said "Wait a minute. Let me see your remote." She changed it to normal and everything looked good again. Ruthie, I can't think of this song without thinking of you! Remember what Alicia says, "Everything's gonna be alright, No One, No One ...." Here's a You Tube video URL of Alicia performing this on the VMAs, I couldn't figure out how to add the video clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_cTh1-t47Q

Today

2008-02-04T15:39:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be one of those annoying bloggers that write even though they have nothing to say. I wore a cute purple sweater dress over jeans today. I laughed b/c in college Nichole's friend Debbie came home from Europe and sported that same style. I have to admit that I look really cute. I've never been so small. The circumstances for my weight loss suck, but I do admit that I look good right now. See picture and determine for yourself.

I spent most of the weekend and all of today calling my oncologists and faxing the doctors etc. I realized today that one doctor didn't fax my paper to the right home number, my fault, that's why I never got it. oops! He doesn't need to know the details. I'm still waiting to hear back from the UCLA doctor. I got the PET scan report but it was too technical for my understanding. I emailed him and thanked him and asked for clarification. Still looking for a clinical trial, but I found some leads thanks to my research team.

Currently listening to Pat Benatar's "We Belong" in memory of you Lana.

Good Bday

2008-01-31T09:39:00.000-08:00

I had a good 28th Bday on Jan 28. The weekend prior I went to lunch with some friends and then the girls went to see a Chic Flick - Katherine's Heigl's 27 Dresses. It was so cute! Afterwards we went to Newport Coast and spent the night with my BF from HS and her family. Her husband just installed a 100 inch TV ( projector/TV combo) so most of Sunday was spent watching movies. My favorite was The Namesake. Then on my real B-Day my mom took me to the Dentist for a consultation to get my Mercury fillings removed. Fun, huh! And that evening I took a little nap and Noureddin made dinner. I was craving Z Pizza and salad so I ordered pepperoni , pineapple and black olives pizza and a pear and gorgonzola salad. I thought that the pork based pepperoni would scare away Noureddin and his Muslim compatriots, but it didn't. Our Moroccan friends and their wives came over a little later in the evening and brought cake and gifts. It was a nice B-Day.

lost password

2008-01-31T09:25:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't written in a while. Truth is I couldn't remember my email and password combo. I have so many different passwords and this website made me create another email account with Gmail. Things haven't been great, but they could be worse. The November MRI showed No change so I continued with the Chemo protocol. I was wasting away: no appetite & extreme fatigue, so my Dad and step mom sent me to Sterling Heights, Michigan for some alternative treatment by a Ki Master. I went 2 different times and then some of the master's students came to my home to treat me when I returned to LB. It worked really well and I was able to finish the 2nd round of Chemo. Unfortunately the latest MRI on Jan 22 showed a new baby tumor and again no reduction of the big tumor. So I have now stopped chemo through KP and am being considered for Clinical Trials. I get a PET Scan today which should show more of the anatomy of the new tumor. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's were good. Though with this looming over my shoulders I hardly feel like celebrating.

Support Group

2007-10-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

A friend from college referred me to a friend of hers who has been going through something similar and she gave me the Yahoo address for a n online support group for Adults with the cancer I have. That has been very helpful, and I'm sure it will prove to be even more helpful in the future.

I found the above cartoon before I viewed the webpage, but I thought it was funny so I added it to my blog.

New Shows

2007-10-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

There are some great shows out this fall. Desperate Housewives, despite all the Hollywood uproar, came out strong again this year with a new neighbor and some new twists. I would miss Private Practice if you can. The acting is good but you will cry during the whole hour long show. It's stories are too real and even if you don't have kids and don't want kids they will touch your hearts. Ugly Betty is my favorite so far. It's remarkably intelligent, and I almost have to watch it twice to understand what is going on. Pushing Daisies is as funny as promised and is definitely an hour escape from the real world.

Chemo Day 1

2007-10-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

I went through my first day of chemo today and it wasn’t too bad. I am so glad that I had my new iPod Nano, complements of mom, equipped with all 773 of my songs, some free podcasts, photos and some games. Noureddin suggested that I look at the games, and I found that I could listen to music while playing Solitaire and iMusic. It was great! The TV in the Chemo room at HC didn’t have great reception on channel 7, so I couldn’t watch my favorite soap – General Hospital. I’m not experiencing any side effects yet, but I’m sure they will come. Noureddin cleaned the house again, and I’m following the recipes in Tonya’s book Beating Cancer with Nutrition.

Do you suggest any good free podcasts or iPod games? I’m, currently listening to The Economist week in review, Bill Maher on HBO, CNN, NPR, and 60 minutes.

Ramadan in Santa Ana

2007-09-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

Note - The picture is from an earlier dinner, Dec. 31, 2006 taken at our house. Many of the same people were at the dinner last night.

I had a great time last night visiting friends in Santa Ana for Ramadan. Noureddin's friend and his wife hosted five Moroccan guys, 3 American wives and neighbors for a great feast starting at dusk with Harira (spicy lintil soup), boiled eggs, Empanadas, and yummy Moroccan sweets (too difficult to spell). The hosts have a 5 1/2 year old, and her 5 year old cousin came to play too. It was so great to be around them and to catch up with the girls again.

Psychic Reading

2007-09-29T16:12:00.000-07:00

Stephanie, me and Genna at The Colony for Gig night.

My friend Steph went to a psychic and asked about me. I am hopeful at the psychic's response given that she knew very little about me. She said that after round two of chemo I would be alright. She also divulged that Noureddin is not from here. "Somewhere in the middle east" she said. Close enough for me. She claimed that he will continue to be a rock for me, and along with Steph and Tonya and my family, I would get through this.

I'll take hope wherever it may come now, so I appreciate her optimism.

Funny Saying 3 - Kaiser Permanente Thrive

2007-09-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

The Kaiser commercials say: “Kaiser Permanente Thrive.” Who thrives? Certainly not the nurses, who after I witnessed 3 weeks at the Acute Rehab center at a local hospital, were complaining about their low wages and inconvenient schedules. Not the patients, unless they have a minor injury or illness and need quick medication. Not the doctors who are regulated with patient appointments and not allowed to spend sufficient enough time with them, leaving both parties unhappy. So, who thrives? The big pharma companies? Mr. Kaiser himself? No one you or I know gets to thrive because of Kaiser Permanente.

Funny saying 2 - Pucci's poo poo

2007-09-29T15:27:00.000-07:00

A while ago we were watching Pucci: my grandparents dog. Pucci decided to go poo poo in the bathroom (on the floor, of course). Noureddin came out and asked me why I went poo poo on the floor. Pucci is a poodle and her poo is minature! I laughed really hard and asked him if he really thought my poo could be so small.

Funny Saying 1 - " A little sad."

2007-09-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago when I was in the middle of radiation, losing my hair and in the worst depression I’ve ever experienced, Noureddin my husband, told a friend from Spain that “I was a little sad.” I was nearly suicidal, and the worst he wanted to admit to was “a little sad.” His reality in this case is between actual and fantasy, and I love it. He’s continued with that optimism from day one and I so appreciate it.

The picture is of us on our 3rd anniversary and Poppy's Bday, June 29, 2006.

Lesson 1: Doctors are Humans too.

2007-09-29T15:07:00.000-07:00

Lesson 1: Doctors are Humans too.

This is a tough lesson to learn when you are in a life and death situation, like I am, and your very life depends on the knowledge and skills of your physician. But, it’s very true. Do your homework. Ask questions. Don’t think that anyone is fighting as hard as you. To many you are just a name or a number.

I’ve always been very careful in who I chose to associate with. I’m sure now that the relationships I have are “life-long” relationships as we have seen the worst of worst in the last 7 months and we’re still standing.

At the end of the day, you are responsible for you and you must be accountable for your own actions. That's true for everyone, even doctors and lawyers: those that we hold with the highest esteem. That is the first lesson I learned.